Managing ANGER on two fronts (Inner and Outer)

The Pen and Sword Journal - Vol 63

A flashback from where anger invaded my spirit

I remember a Muay Thai sparring match years ago, when I was around 18 or 19 years old. That day, I wasn’t at my best. As many athletes know, both the body and mind have their own rhythms—ups and downs, largely guided by the unconscious mind. During that sparring session, I couldn’t execute my combinations properly, my footwork was sloppy, and I wasn’t responding well to counterattacks. As a result, my opponent, a friend of mine, was landing some solid shots. I clearly remember a hook to the chin and a knee to the liver that hurt me deeply.

As the sparring continued, I felt a surge of anger, frustrated by my inability to execute the tactics correctly. But the more my anger flared, the more my skills diminished. It felt like that anger was giving me power, but in reality, it made me easier for my opponent to outmaneuver me. At that moment, operating purely on emotion, I couldn’t recognize this. The flow of energy between my mind and body was disrupted, with the emotional turmoil in between blocking that connection.

This kind of anger, driven by selfishness, is much like the mythical idea of a devil’s bargain—offering a deceptive feeling of power, but at a steep cost. In this case, the cost was a few knockdowns and a bruised ego. 😂 Reflecting on this experience—and others like it—led me to a thought I included in my book "100 Thoughts for the Inner Warrior":

"Angry people leave themselves in the hands of others and allow them to disturb, torture, and even drive them crazy. Someone who has self-respect will never allow something like this to happen to himself."

This reflection, combined with a sense of self-respect and a desire for peace of mind and healthy relationships, motivated me to work on managing my anger.

Of course, the anger I’m referring to here is the kind that stems from egoism. Anger can also arise from genuine injustice, like when someone harms a loved one or commits a serious wrong, such as property damage or political injustice. Anger is a natural human emotion, and repressing it can lead to even more destructive consequences internally.

As a quote often attributed to Aristotle says:

"Anybody can become angry—that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way—that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

In this article, I’m focusing specifically on the anger that arises from selfishness, like what I experienced during that sparring session.

The Method I Used (and I still do) to Manage Anger

The method I developed to manage my anger came to me right after I took that knee to the liver. For those who haven’t experienced this, a knee to the liver is a blow that completely drains your energy. Even though you’re still mentally aware, it feels like all the energy has left your body, leaving you unable to move for a few seconds, or even minutes, depending on the severity of the impact.

During that sparring session, I had already taken a knockdown from a hook punch to the chin, but that didn’t lessen my anger. The same went for other hits I took to the head, legs, and arms; these strikes only made my anger grow. However, the knee to the liver, which drained my energy, acted as a sort of reset for me, slowing the momentum of my anger. At the time, I didn’t understand why this happened, but later reflection helped me form a hypothesis: maybe the energy depletion from the blow played a role in reducing my anger at that moment.

Some Research on the Link Between Fatigue and Anger Levels

After reflecting on this experience, I decided to look into the relationship between physical fatigue and anger. I found that research shows a strong connection between physical exercise, especially activities that induce fatigue, and a reduction in anger levels. For instance, studies have demonstrated that after engaging in aerobic exercises like running or cycling, participants often experience a significant decrease in anger, tension, and negative moods.

Why? Because this effect is partly due to the release of endorphins and other mood-enhancing neurotransmitters that help calm the mind and promote relaxation post-exercise. Regular physical activity is also linked to better emotional regulation, enabling individuals to manage reactive anger more effectively over time. Essentially, physical exhaustion shifts the focus away from anger and helps create a more balanced emotional state.

After reading this, I decided to test this theory myself, leading me to the method I want to share with you today. Before I explain it, I’d like to use an analogy:

Imagine you’re in a gym and trying to lift a barbell that weighs 100 kg (220 lbs). At first, you can’t lift the barbell on your own. But with the help of an instructor or friend, who takes on part of the weight for you, you can manage to:

1. Avoid injury and keep the barbell from dropping on you.

2. Eventually, build up the strength to lift the barbell by yourself without assistance.

Now, some might reasonably ask, “Why start with 100 kg when I can begin with 20 kg and work up to 100?” That’s a fair point, but my analogy is meant to draw a parallel between managing heavy weights and managing anger.

Unlike in the gym, where we have control over how much weight to lift, in daily life, we often don’t have control over the “weight” of the anger or pressure we face. For this reason, we need to combine Inner Work with some external support, at least initially, to manage anger until we can handle it on our own. This approach is particularly useful when dealing with frequent or intense anger outbursts.

In the analogy of lifting the barbell, there are two elements working together to manage the heavy load. The first is your own drive and willpower, using your strength to lift the weight. The second is the external help, which assists by carrying part of the load and alleviating some of the pressure until you’re ready to carry the full weight by yourself.

If anger feels overwhelming, don't get discouraged—there is always a way.

This is something I've seen work not just for myself, but also for others I've helped with managing anger. Just like in the barbell analogy where there are two sources of effort, managing anger is best achieved by engaging two fronts. The first is your own willpower and determination to take control. But in the beginning, you also need an external element to help soften the intensity of your anger. Why is this external help necessary?

The reason is simple: just as your muscles aren't initially ready to lift 100 kg (220 lbs), your willpower might not yet be strong enough to handle all the pressure of anger on its own. Until your will becomes strong enough to manage the anger by itself, it needs some outside assistance.

What could this help be? There are many possibilities, and you might find something that works best for your unique personality. In my case, this external support came from the experience I had after taking a liver shot during sparring. The exhaustion I felt was the key—it served as the external aid that helped me manage my anger at first, until my willpower developed to the point where I could handle anger mostly on my own.

Of course, I’m not suggesting you need to take a shot to the liver every time to manage anger! 😂 I found a more sustainable way to bring healthy fatigue into my routine. For me, this meant increasing my physical activity. I started to schedule sparring sessions at the end of a long workout when I was already tired. Sure, my techniques weren’t as sharp as they might have been at the beginning of a session, but at that time, my priority was working on my inner self and managing my anger. I accepted the trade-off, knowing it served a deeper purpose.

Additionally, I incorporated mental fatigue in healthy doses. I began to read more and played more chess. This combination of physical and mental fatigue served as effective external aids in my anger management, allowing my willpower to strengthen gradually until I no longer needed these aids in most cases. Even though, even today, when I see anger is building up inside me, I incorporate this method, when retreating to meditate in a distant village is not an option. 😅

Why do physical and mental fatigue work as external aids? As the research I mentioned earlier shows, the endorphins and neurotransmitters released after physical exertion help to dampen the effects of anger. I started by using my willpower to manage small bursts of anger, and gradually, I became capable of handling more intense feelings with the strength of my mind and will alone.

To wrap it up

It’s well-documented that a sedentary lifestyle, especially one marked by long periods of sitting and inactivity, can negatively affect both physical and mental health, including a greater tendency toward negative emotions like anger. Lack of physical activity is linked to increased stress and mood disturbances.

Research shows that inactivity can disrupt the body's stress response systems, such as cortisol and adrenaline production, making people more sensitive to stressors. This heightened physiological response can lower frustration tolerance, leading to increased anger. Additionally, a sedentary lifestyle is often tied to poorer sleep quality and struggles with mood regulation.

There is plenty of research and countless personal experiences that back this up. The bottom line is, if you feel overwhelmed by anger, try managing it on two fronts: the Internal Front, which involves your will, discipline, and effort, and the External Front, which is physical activity that tires you out just enough to “reset” your mind and body, reducing anger to a level your will can manage.

Think of it like a helper who gradually steps back, allowing you to lift the weight on your own until you’re fully capable of managing it yourself. Physical activity also helps release pent-up emotional energy, making it easier to find balance.

The key is not to get discouraged or let anger consume your body, mind, and spirit. Instead, act with intelligence, strategy, and determination to gain control over yourself step by step. Like any other process, this takes time, but remember, as the saying goes,

“Patience is a manifestation of inner strength.”

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📌 𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙢𝙞𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣.

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🔻📕Additional Resources:

If this article resonated with you, then you'll find even more value in The Secrets of Willpower. In this book, I dive deeper into practical methods for strengthening your willpower, self-control, and self-discipline.

It’s packed with proven psychological techniques to help you access your mind’s hidden reserves and build the resilience needed to face any challenge. From strategies to quiet the inner voice of self-doubt to exercises that master the art of delayed gratification, each chapter guides you on a path toward mental and emotional mastery.

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Strength and liberation from our Inner Chains. And wish you a great start of the week. 🙏